Lost my baby :(

I have had another miscarriage. :( Strange, the lessons life teaches us. I have been all over the map of negativity, but John reminds me to take the anger and devastation and turn it into peace and determination. "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." We will try and try and try and try until we have a baby in our arms.

So that's 3 in a row for me, which as you know is officially classified as "recurrent miscarriage." Unfortunately this is what it takes for anyone to bother to find out what's wrong with me (or us). The bad news is that I feel like a science experiment and I will never be able to rejoice in early pregnancy again, for fear that it will just end too soon. The good news is, that now I've hit that "magic number" (Schoolhouse Rock, anyone?), my losses will be taken more seriously, and we will have the help we need in determining what's going on and hopefully we'll find a "cure." Our babies want to be born, and we WILL find a way for that to happen.

Each time I've lost a pregnancy, the thoughts race through my mind, "I don't want to be a doula anymore. I can't handle the sight of pregnant bellies and babies being born." But those doubts disappear quickly. I know there is nowhere else I'd rather be than in the sisterhood of motherhood. I was born to be a doula, and this is where my heart is.