Decisions, decisions, part 2

SO...yesterday I interviewed for the Women's Center job! (w00t!)

BUT! I am SOOOOOOOOO conflicted! On the one hand, the director of the Women's Center is a bit of a "tough guy" and I think she may have been a little frustrated with me. Hard to tell. But, it was a job interview and they're supposed to ask tough questions. There were a couple of times that she didn't "get" what I was saying, and I had a really difficult time explaining myself. I had mentioned something about being "phone shy" and she just couldn't wrap her head around that concept. Her biggest concern with me is probably that I would allow doula clients to interfere with the Women's Center's big "events," but I assured her that scheduling conflicts and adjusted availability is not uncommon for doulas and if it means I'm not available for someone's EDD or if a back-up needs to be called in if mama goes into labor on the day of the University event, my clients are made well aware of that possibility before they even hire me, if they choose to hire me at all. On the other hand, the 2nd lady who was in the interview was very amiable and seemed to really like my attitude and energy. I chatted with her for a little bit after the interview was over and I had a good feeling about her. She would be the main person the newbie would work with anyway. After the interview, I was a bundle of nerves. I sat down with John and we went over a list of pros vs. cons of each possible scenario (staying at my current job or accepting a job at the Women's Center). What it all boils down to is... if INCOME was not an issue, the Women's Center job kicks my current job's butt. To a bloody pulp. Plus, the University has AMAZING benefits, WAY better than anything I can get at my current job, and that alone almost makes up for the difference in income. Plus, I'm in a cubicle wasteland at my new job. It's cold. It's impersonal. There's only 1 other female within 100 feet of me. I can go all day (maybe a full week) without looking at or talking to another human being. I don't make a difference. But would it be irresponsible of me to leave a higher-paying job at a time when I'm the sole wage-earner and we're TTC?

Talking it out made it pretty clear that money shouldn't be the only issue. People have survived on less, and we could make it work if we needed to. We'd just have to make adjustments to our lifestyle. No more satellite TV. Brown-bagged lunch. Carpooling or public transit. Creative dating. Light holidays. All totally do-able. And being in a satisfying career adds enormous benefits to one's quality of life in general. so, yeah.

IF they offer me this job (IF IF IF), would I take it? Should I take it? It would be a sacrifice. It would be a big giant change. It would be challenging. BUT it would be rewarding. It would be life-enriching. and it would be pretty much exactly what I want right now. I wish I didn't have to WAIT. They are interviewing again today and I think they'll have an answer by the end of the week.

why do I let this stuff get to me so much? *tearing my hair out*