Hot Mamma!

So my dear, dear, deardeardeardear, deardear friend Tracey is officially 6+ months pregnant. It's killing me that I can't be there to attend her birth (She lives in Australia, after all), or at the very least just pick up the phone and chat with her about it (hello time zones). So I doula vicariously by checking her blog on a daily basis. Not that she even knows it. Other than the occasional email I whip out extolling the virtues of calcium, fitness, adequate hydration, etc. She's doing beautifully, and I am so thrilled for her and her husband. Sometimes it's hard to believe how time changes everything. Baby-makin'. *le sigh*

I want to have babies. And before you ask what you're probably dying to ask, let me say one thing. HERE'S a question I despise with the fire of a thousand suns: "So, are you trying to get pregnant?" Uhhh... WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU ASKING? Let's just think about this for a minute. (*think...think...think*) How do I answer such a grossly inappropriate, personal question? Regardless of the answer (affirmative or negative), how in the world am I supposed to be pleased with the idea of giving anyone such intimate details of my reproductive life? Honestly.

The hits keep coming.

Today I managed to slice my finger open on a yogurt lid. I never felt a thing until I looked down and thought, where's all that blood coming from? Joy.

I am exceedingly bored by this secretary job I have. I wish wish WISH that I could just take all the time off I needed to study and work in my selected field. But wishing doesn't pay the bills.

Here's a project that fascinates me. I've never been a go-getter/activist type, but I'm ready to jump on board this particular train. Again, though... I'd need to leave my current job to accomodate it.


K. So due to the fact that I think it would be ever-so-lovely to successfully grow one or more live human babies in My Very Own Uterus (patent pending) (p.s. note that I refuse to tell you if or when such baby-making has taken or will take place. Nunya DAMN bidness), I am currently weaning myself off of certain doctor-prescribed pharmcological substances. Namely Celexa and Zyrtec. The effects thus far have been ... LAME. To say the least. My eyeballs are sticky. I itch. My eardrums are fuzzy. I have extremely vivid dreams. I feel like I'm falling over, even when I'm sitting still. I have horrendous "brain rushes" when I stand up or try to walk more than 2 feet at a time. My brain is all... "spinny." I can sleep for 12 hours in a row. I do not see "myself" in the mirror (hard to explain this one, but basically... my BDD is back.) I am increasingly forgetful/absent-minded and am easily overwhelmed by the simplest of tasks. I daydream constantly about the lamest stuff ever, and subsequently get VERY VERY upset by the ensuing daydream train in my head (none of my story lines ever have a happy ending. Ever end up in a panic attack over something that took place in your own imagination?) I want to die at least once a day.

Lest I become bombarded by naysayers, I am not quitting "cold turkey." (Although the forgetfulness thing has hampered that attempt a couple of times. i.e. not taking my pills for 3 days in a row.) But at least I will soon be free and clear of these nasty side effects. GUESS WHAT! Natural food and vitamins and minerals are good for you. So is staying hydrated and getting enough physical activity ** and restful sleep and sunlight and having a darling husband who takes exceptional care of you.

So eat your veggies and whole grains and go outside and MOVE already, Loser. (note to self.)