I need to get something out of the way. Here's my pity-party for this afternoon:
It's been quiet in our lives this weekend. Offline and on. We haven't really heard from anyone and I'm not sure what to make of it. I don't know right now whether silence is golden or deafening. Is no news always good news? Am I a victim of my own paranoia? I've reached out to some people lately about very serious and personal things, poured my heart out, anguished and languished and I've received nothing in return. My patience wears thin as my imagination runs wild. I want to believe that people are just busy with their lives and haven't heard me. Instead it's easier to believe that I'm being avoided or deliberately ignored, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. I've shed far too many tears over this in the past week, and I'm done with the drama.
So let me clear the air.
Friday night, John and I attended the Equal Rights Rally in downtown SLC. This was on the news, and (as is unsurprising to anyone who understands how the media works) the outcome was sensationalized and the message that was sent to the public seemed negatively skewed. We regret this. What was shown on the news is NOT what we were a part of. Yes, we were there. Yes, we marched. We stood alongside hundreds (in a sea of thousands) of people who gathered in defense of human rights and equal treatment under the law. We were there to unite in peace with our brothers and sisters. To extend good faith and bear their burdens at their side. To mourn with those who mourn, to comfort those who stand in need of comfort. We each felt a tremendous measure of kinship with and compassion for the majority of people around us. We walked hand-in-hand, smiling silently at our neighbors (a beautifully diverse group of individuals, couples, families, and groups of friends), holding our signs, watching people greet each other with enthusiasm and warmth, feeling the most welcoming and excited energy in the crowd as we moved along the sidewalks. Occasionally, we would hear someone acting out in anger. Some people were angry, which is understandable. There were pockets of rudeness, even animosity, which we were able to quite easily move past. A minority of people, it seemed, would join in any excuse to "bash" the Mormon church (or religion in general). That wasn't us, or even anyone in our immediate vicinity. Again, from our viewpoint in the middle of the crowd, this was only a small minority, but the minority, of course, got the news coverage. The peaceful rally and mostly quiet and respectful walk around Temple Square was portrayed as an angry protest against the church. I guess we were at a different rally. (The significance of the location cannot be ignored, but we would have gladly attended had it been anywhere else. We didn't choose where it would be or how it would turn out, but we did choose our own involvement and behavior, which I neither feel the need to defend nor apologize for.)
John and I each felt like we were doing a good thing. We've spent hours upon hours in deep discussion over this topic, and I'm deeply grateful to know that we're on the same page. We really "get" each other. (How'd I find this guy? Seriously, I'm the luckiest lady I know.) :)
I was surprised that the most uplifting experience I had that evening was actually on the way home from the rally, as I spoke to my sister on the phone about where we'd just been. She said she was proud of me. Proud of us for doing what we were doing. I assured her that we didn't participate in anything "shameful" but if people wanted to assume the worst of us, they were welcome to and we were prepared for that. She assured me that no such thing would happen. I can't thank her enough for her love and kindness. It was just the footnote I needed for a tumultuous week.
We kept our eyes and ears on the news. (John had been interviewed by a Deseret News staffer, but he didn't appear in any story that we know of.) Throughout the weekend, we heard of very sad things that some angry people had done in Utah and across the country as a result of the passage of Proposition 8. Vandalism, hateful rhetoric, violence. It's foolish to fight fire with fire, to fixate on one group of people that shares a characteristic that you don't like and demonize them by calling them bigots. (Pot? Kettle. Black.) It's ridiculous to preach love and acceptence in the same breath that you hurl insults and epithets. (Hello, peace rally? Ur Doin It Wrong.) Believe me, I get how stupid and wrong that kind of behavior is. I can tell you all right now, from my own experience and from the intentions of my own heart, that those angry people and their shameful actions do NOT represent the heart of this movement. The passage of Prop 8 destroys over 18,000 couples and families and impedes the fulfillment of millions more. Mature, committed couples. Loving, attentive parents. Hard-working, law-abiding, tax-paying citizens of this country. CHILDREN OF GOD. If this isn't a moral issue, I don't know what is.
I would hope that our family and friends understand that we were not among the "haters" that got the negative media attention. I hope our family and friends understand that we do not hate the church or the church leaders. Indeed, we feel genuine love, admiration and respect for the church, its leaders, and the members that we know. We have faith in God. Faith in Christ's ministry and message. In fact, it's because of our faith that we felt it necessary to stand with the persecuted and fight to protect their rights. We're appalled by the vandalism and violent backlash. We're equally appalled by the words and efforts the religious community--namely our religious community--employed to pass Prop 8. We're dismayed that more is not being done to secure gay rights here in Utah. (And I don't mean the marriage issue. Any proposition for even the most basic of gay rights is lambasted here in Utah, with NO help from the church. If church leaders really care about the GLBT community, as they say they do, they would encourage the passage of hate-crime laws, employment protection and civil union protections here in Utah with as much fervor as they encouraged the passage of Prop 8 in California. So decreed, so lived. No excuses.) I quote from a church statement:
(1) We hope that now and in the future all parties involved in this issue will be well informed and act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility toward those with a different position. (2) No one on any side of the question should be vilified, intimidated, harassed or subject to erroneous information.
(3) Allegations of bigotry or persecution made against the Church were and are simply wrong. (4) The Church’s opposition to same-sex marriage neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians. (5) Even more, the Church does not object to rights for same-sex couples regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights.
(1) There are a multitide of examples from both camps to show that we're all glaringly human on this one. As for my part, I've been trying with all my might to act respectfully and with civility. I admit that it's hard for anyone to do, when met with opposition. If anyone would like to point out room for improvement on my part, please do so.
(2) Plenty of people have been villified, intimidated, harrassed AND subject to erroneous information by the the church-financed Yes on 8 campaign. (I dare you to read the comments section of any Utah-based newspaper article about Prop 8 and not be disgusted by the vitriol so freely spewed from both sides of the fence.)
(3) Yes, but one cannot deny the church's historical stance on homosexuality--although it has evolved, softened and clarified over time--is being used by proponents of Prop 8 to defend some pretty unsavory behavior.
(4) Amending the constitution to relegate same-sex couples to second-class citizens, eliminating their rights to marry, nullifying their existing marriages, and banning any future ones IS an act of hostility. I just don't get this one. I'm sorry.
(5) Prove it. Speak up. Get those rights in place, here in Utah.
The church has altered its position on many divisive cultural issues in its modern history. Plural marriage. Blacks and the priesthood. Miscegenation. Feminism. Homosexuality. Inch by inch, church leaders speak out more and more about acceptance and compassion and inclusion. Perhaps this issue will soften even more in time. I do not expect anything to happen, nor is this a demand for change. I simply don't know how it's going to go. I can only hope that we're in a good direction, if history is any indication. John and I both feel that what's happening right now is a mistake, and it's important to us that the divide that's been created can be healed. Hearts have been broken, good people have been demonized (on both sides of the aisle), and nothing has been solved along the way. I really hope things don't get worse. There's got to be a way to solve this. And so, we take steps to bridge that gap, to soften those hearts, to open those doors and to invite the conversations. Because it matters.
We'd love to hear your thoughts.
Footnote: Wish I could take credit for the idea (since I just blogged about it), but THIS is immensely encouraging.
ReplyDelete...I guess great minds think alike. (*snicker*)